Sunday, October 29, 2006

BGR; it has gotten on to me.

Okay. After many post, sometime ago about not going into Boy, Girl relationship.. I think I shall cut if off. It has gotten on to me. *sigh*

But truly, she's a great girl. Its the age difference which I am kinda' scared of. The public eye should not be underestimated.

Firstly, thanks Gladys. You gave me that oppotunity which I wouldn't dare to take. I still don't really know myself, its like, I am always open, but sometimes just, shy.

It was great getting her home. But it seems like she's a "hard nut to crack". Always so quiet, and always looking at strangers. And she love reading. Oh man! So we got to the library, to spend sometime. And met with some "problems" pretty girls get. She was getting her book, I was sleeping(yeah?) and a malay(wtf?) went up to her and asked for contacts. She should have called me. My bad, I was sleeping. That guy even asked her to help get a book for his girlfriend(imaginary?). Such old methods.*sigh*

Got her home. Yet not her doorstep. She didn't want me and my Dad would kill me. Dad, get out of my life. Its the holidays. He would fucking asked me why am I so late. *Grrr* But I thought I shalln't proceed any futher as its just a day.

God is so with me. *laughter* Her meeting with her cousin for a movie was cancelled. And I replaced her cousin. (Yay!) It was just so great. Though we kinda missed the first 15 minutes of the movie, Death Note, it was fun. (Esp with her) Shalln't say much 'bout that. Walking around orchard was great. Just, everything is great with her. Just to add on, Brennan came along as she was also meeting her sister and cousin which is Brennan. And he told her that he was like so extra. Just happy that she wasn't really like (angry?) when Brennan said that he wouldn't want to interrupt a date. Or she just didn't want to hurt me. *sigh*

Still, it was indeed a great start for the holiday.

Dated; Last Thursday I sent her home. And Friday, Death Note.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Many days into a post. Length.

Greats. Guess that this will be a long one. Starting from last friday.

Damn (cool?), met Abby at woodlands MRT wanted to go school together. I was kinda late, ZhenNi was even worse. Haiz, had to switch to Plan C.(why not B?) Usually, my plan B is go straight home which my mother even encouraged me to, for not to get DC and waste my (precious?)time in school. But Abby wanted me to go school, so she said go LATE. Not late as in 0730-0745. Its going to school durin recess time. Man, first thing i thought, my record of being punctual will be broken. Who cares anyway, but is it better? Really, it turned out better. No run, no DC, even I forgot to bring tie, no punishment.

To our unexpectations, we even met Xueli and KaiHui at the coffeeshop behind school. So its like 6 students walking around, and wouldn't be caught by police? Lucky I guess.

Time past kinda fast, we talked, ate, and talked. After we had our meal, we went to the nearby HDB flats and, talked. And played to of course with Xueli running around trying to catch me when I made fun of her(obviously she failed). And guess what(what?) we woke a street-sleeping man sleeping nearby. I spotted him and we move to another block. Who knows that he came and started scolding us. Wow, this time ZhenNi is pro(really) at scolding back. That man, totally had no choice and just to say in chinese "You good!" Then he also said that he's not scared if we are from any gang as he is in one. "2579" Thats the gang number. Rock on!

School was not as so boring as usual, Talent Trek 06. Cool, although I thought that they played but didn't sing well. No offence. Vocalists weren't really that good. What surprise me was Yanyi. Man, I didn't know she could sing. Way to go, girl. That was my Friday. Last friday.

Yesterday, Hari Raya Adifi(sorry, don't know how to spell), was such a great day. Yet not so good. There was a jamming session hosted by CHC members at grassroots which was a change of plans. Met Abby at woodlands and I was late again. I feel so bad. And we got there. Everyone kinda met at YCK mrt and we walked there. Most of us went to the NAKED FISH SHOPPE to have our lunch which was a big mistake for me. Arh, the food is expensive and (eww!). Wonder how did they survive. Did not let it affect me. The jamming session, played by the band of Edwin(my drum teacher!), Zech(my guitar teacher!) and Arthur(my guitar and maybe drum teacher!). Cool eh? All my teachers. Wahahas. They totally rocked the house.

What saddens me. ZhengQuan, totally made use of this, to advertise his so called cell-group befrienders. Argh, totally fucked up. And guess what, Abby and the others all followed. If I were Zech and Edwin or maybe Arthur, I will be like so disappointed when you already said you want to come but left when the performance just started. Did we perform badly?(as what Edwin asked me) Haiz~

The rest was fun. And I just love the worship song though I don't know the title. Gotta learn how to play it on drums which have many solo parts. Greats, for my future. XD And another thing which made me sad. Arh, I was helping to carry the Bass of Edwin drums and which I slipped. Damn! I think Edwin damn angry, although he don't looks like. Sorry! And thanks, Arthur for the dinner!

Today was boring, total boredness. No teacher was in class, except Mr Lim which usually don't come and he did today. Which interrupted our card game. Arh, nothing to do so I slept. Congrats to all who skipped school for you've made a great choice. And I feel sad for CK, had his handphone confiscated. It's also the last day of school! Why are they such fuckers. Can't believe we had cleared the cupboard too!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Weirdest Dream(again?)

Is it the lack of time ; lack of interest ; or lack or feelings that made me blog less nowadays. Guess its just all into one.

Few days ago, last Satuday's night. I had a weirdest dream (again?) ever. It was not a nightmare, none scares me. Very full of events, and I can remember it so clearly after 3 days.

I was travelling on a ship, kinda. Then we(who?) were eaten by a huge whale which my mind told me that it was the legendary BEMUDA triangle. After trying(and able to) send messages back to our loved ones, we admitted our fates and prepared for battle. Weird huh? And for the fact that my mind felt it was normal for me fighting.

We found our self in a dungeon and walked aimlessly searching for a clue. And an angel(like in all games) appeared and briefed us on our mission.(and my mind felt totally normal/not weird)

It was totally like what of a game, FlyFF. So three-dimension like. We had to cleared the dungeon filled with mobs and each section have its own elements we had to conquer. We looked like Power-Rangers! With swords(cool?) and few guns.
If I am correct, I died in the dungeon and respawn back at town.(just like FlyFF) I even called my brother, who was still inside(fighting?) and wanted to buy some weapons for him. And I went back it by using a machine which swings me off into the sky and somehow, I got there.

The dream had a weird ending. We were outside one of the section gates of the dungeon and of course the gates open. But we didn't fight but retreated. And the mobs rushed out but they couldn't attack us as it was the red-zone for them. They could only attack when we were in there.

Its funny how weird a dream can be. But its just pieces of thoughts in our minds fixed together. That's my definition.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

A Suicidal Attempt

I love this title just so much.

I still cannot take it, can't take the marks I got for my examinations. I, Szehoe, used to be an A* mathematics and science student, scoring into the top5 chart during primary school. Now, I am one of the lousiest at it. If I met my old friends, they would be like so shocked. I still can't take it how I did for my maths paper. For the first time, I failed.

History was no better. Taking it as one of my favourite subjects, I can't even get a distinction. Studying so much, its the same.

Kind of angry at GOD, as he once said, study your best and leave the rest to GOD. My brother too, said til' as if I didn't study. Why must he interfere with my life. My Dad was even better. He walked into my room when I was playing my phone and said "I thought you were studying" And I was like "WHAT?" My examnations were long over and I doubt he even cared and know.

Upon receiving my worst marks at the same day, I was totally stressed out. Literature, which I had confidence in, was no better. I lost out to many people I didn't expected to. When I reach my home corridor, I looked down and told myself "Why not" Just like what John the toilet said. I couldn't take it anymore.

Yet I didn't. Why? "Thou will not die as of a Roman Fool" And for all the people who cared about me.

Thanks to those who comforted me when I was at the lowest point of my life. You know who you are. :D

Sunday, October 15, 2006


Take a good look at the title. Why? Mostly when you attend church service, its mostly about preaching and stuffs -I think- and nothing really fun. Its totally different at Expo Hall 8. Its so high, rawking. And I love Rev Kong. He is like a motivation guru. Great guy.

But I guess Abby wasn't really herself that day, which is yesterday. It isn't her church and guess that she felt weird. If I were her, I would too. Kinda sad for her, youths nowadays like to hurt themselves when they are sad. Kind of stupid though, instead of hurting yourself, why not do it on the person you hate? *Joking* Just don't do anything to hurt yourself as your close ones will be hurt too, kays?

Things I don't really like about church services. I don't know if they're acting or what, they'll get so hardcore and like trying to jump as high as they can when singing. Sorry if I have offended some of you(s). During the service, I'd experienced something weird, but I don't really know what it is. Just want to stay bit out of religion, anyone would in my state.

Yet truly, it was very fun. And one thing I really like Christian about, their friendlyness. They can communicate with new persons so well and I felt so...How should I state it... Not lonely with them. During dinner after the service, it was so fun. I always had phobia of chatting as I am a topic-less person but I could keep chatting and chatting with people I just met. It was such a great day, only to be destroyed by my Dad when I got home. He totally fucked me up and say why I came back so late. Would he even care?

I always like to counsel people, as though my life is great. But I want to say, my life is worse than almost everyone but I am not affected. Why? Its easy, leave your life-disrupters alone and don't let them change your life. Just an advice.

Getting my history and other examination marks back tommorow. *Cross fingers* Worried huh.

And by the way, don't mind check out my new layout "Untitled" using the template switch function!

State: Family(buddhist) Friends(Christian)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Examinations Over-ed.

Okay, it has been years since I blogged. Delighted that there are people who reads them. Thanks guys!

Examnation is tough. Tough for not mostly the papers, the stress. In a totally quiet hall with so many teachers as on-lookers. I feel weird as the table beside mine was empty. Miss my mummy(Amy), I wonder how is she doing now after she quitted school.

Can't really talk much about exam' papers. Some are difficult, some are so easy. Like Chinese, if I hadn't study 2Intergrity notes, I would have failed. Maybe its always about teachers.

The fun after examinations was fun. What am I saying? Crapped' my english is getting from bad to worst. Yesterday, went out with Abigail, Joey and Shanet(correct,wrong?). And I still don't know why and how I spent $20+ without even ice-skating. Take me as stingy, but thats me. Maybe stingy is not the right word as I can spent it on my closers. Miser, yeah. But to me, its not spenting on unnessaries.

We met at Joey's house, which is in the same estate as my previous house. But I went to the wrong block. From C-B. So walked all the way to C and he literally welcomed me with his dog. I personally like dogs but NOT when they bark. So I ran. =D but of course came back.

Then when they were eating lunch, I realised that they were so anti about one guy. Oh man. But I long ago already hated this person. And we took MRT to Jurong East and waited and waited. Until Shanet came. One Hour!

Wanted to Ice-skate but didn't. There were like thousands in a small lil' ring. Met many of my "classmates" there which I don't consider them as. Go out also didn't tell me. If ya' all are reading this, I don't give a damn. So Joey and I went to enjoy ourselves in the arcade. Poor girls. And it was my first time playing this very awesome game. House Of Dead 4. Total recommendation.

In fact, we literally did nothing. Then we took a train to Habour Front, Vivo. Thinking of window shopping, but it was almost EMPTY there. Shops were all under construction. Especially when we were hungry in search of food. No food. Wanted to watch a show cinematically, but we came at the wrong time after spending much time at Toys R' Us. Most of the shows already started. Nothin' in our minds, we walked around. There was this play ground which was like to fun. Good friendship bond-ager. Play alot on the sort of Merry-Go-Round. Spent many hours there. And when I was spinning them, I felt a bad intuition. Indeed, Abby was flunked out and she hurt herself. Felt so bad man.

So after many hours of playing, we decided to go home as it was already nine. And took a train home. Joey wanted us to drop off at Admiralty so follow suit. I always remembered that the buses there could take Abby and me back to woodlands. But we ended up taking the wrong bus. And now I remember, 962 was the bus my brother was always taking to school. Crapped. And I could feel that Abby was already so pissed off. Not about this only, but other thoughts in her mind also affected her. Wonder what she was pondering about which made her so sad and frustrated. Haiz~ Teenages nowadays, affected by thoughts which shouldn't cross their minds. Love is just something that we, of this age totally stranger to.

Abby: When its time to let go, you should and not cling on to it or you will have a greater fall. =D

Sunday, October 01, 2006


The gap between each of my posts are getting larger. Moods are needed to blog, not ideas. People always say that they got nothing to blog about, you got the whole life to blog about.

I kind of HATED last wednesday's chapel. Its so threatening. They said that if we don't become a christian, we will be killed by SIN and burn in hell. I feel so bad for my own religion, yet I still believe in most of Christian believes. Influenced.

English examination on Friday was easy and difficult. Composition topic was quite difficult as though I wrote quite alot, I was totally not happy with it. I felt that I did so bad. But Paper 2 was so easy. I think I am gonna do quite good.

Saturday, my parents quarrelled. I hate my father just so much. He... Just don't want to talk about it. The cause of all troubles. Fucked my life up.

Then today, my mother wanted to make the family bondage better with a steamboat dinner. He didn't eat. Trying to show "weifeng". I feel so much anger.

These few days, kept smsing Yanyi. She took me as company and I seemed to be the one accompanying her. Yet I was the one who needed company. Nothing much really happened.