Fuckin' Hell

Just for clarifications, I ain't close to my aunt, she's just my favourite aunt. Her attitude is always so much better than others.

Back to my life, how do I describe it? Two words, Fuckin' Hell. My aunt left the day after my post. But maybe its a blessing in disguise, she would suffer more on this Earthly Cruel land. Her brain was already severely damaged. What pissed me most was during the funeral. Sigh, I am getting to hate Christians, really.

My late Aunt has two children, both were almost able to provide for themselves, but they're Christians and my Aunt is a Buddhist. At least the funeral was arranged in a Buddhist way, but it didn't go quite well. Let's see, they wouldn't hold a joss-stick to pray to their own mother. And always disappear during prayers. It a custom for Buddhist during funerals to keep a joss-stick lighted, and no one in their family would do that. My dad who is the brother, had to do for them. Even during prayers, its only my brothers and some cousins of mine, it seems like we're the immediate family of my Aunt. Though Christians, they surely wouldn't wear bright PINK during funerals! Next, they were like so stingy? Everything was like kept small, so different from my Grandma's funeral. And everyone, the immediate family, disppeared at night. Maybe the son had stayed, but he wasn't around at many times. I hate talking about this man, but Christians are indeed getting too much. I am a Buddhist, but when I go for a Church Service, I would pray to Jesus and the Father. So why can't they just respect my God?

Actually, I look upon myself as a Half-Christians, but I an thinking to change my mind now. Baptised? So what Fuck? She's ya'all mother, not mine! Still, Aunt, Rest In Peace, forgive them for they can't differentiate Gods.

It quite weird at the last day of the funeral. Its only three days, Stingy huh? Everyone cried as the Monk did the last prayers, but I didn't. Not a tear, no sadness. I felt that my Aunt was already gone, she was in Heaven. That was just a body. Weird huh?

I missed the first day of my class chalet for my Aunt's funeral. But I quite regretted going there. Left out, I was so. Hmm, nothing much happened, nothing memorable. Went there, others went for biking, I stayed back with Waiping, Valerie and some others. Eat my lunch alone at some coffeeshop, ran some errands for them for the barbacue, barbacue-ed, and slept. Don't know why but maybe its just me. I even had to call her to cure my boreness, but sigh.

Its worse than rejection.
Being so close, yet so far.
Its a toture.
I hate being caught in the middle,
but my heart just can't let go of you.
Everytime you talked about him,
my heat aches.
But as long as you're happy,
I will be, happy and tortured.